Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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