im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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