put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my being single is dangerous.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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