He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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