hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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