You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
