I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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