This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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