i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize