What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
