return my video game
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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