hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
