I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize