it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
