I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
