Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
