Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
