when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
