I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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