got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im part way to drunk.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
