ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
