I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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