Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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