How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
