you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
