i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
