The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
