Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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