i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
