i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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