Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
