Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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