I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
