My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
