Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
