I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize