I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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