His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
