please come you make the beer taste better
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
