I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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