He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
