how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You may now shotgun with the bride
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
