you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
