What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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