hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
