I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
