I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
