Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
