Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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