she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
