do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
