Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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