i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
