I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize