Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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