Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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