Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
