No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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