Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
