I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
