I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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