I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
