It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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