What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
