I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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