I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
