i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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