It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
