Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
