I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
