And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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