Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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