4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
