I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
