I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize