you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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