dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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