remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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